Over the past few days closure has been on my heart and mind. Over the years I have had the blessed opportunity of spending time with many wonderful people. I have had jubilant experiences that left me high for weeks, and run-ins that brought great devastation. While pondering both the pain and the pleasures of life, I came to realize that there is one thing in common- love. You see, it usually doesn’t cut too deep when an enemy slaps you. But when a friend, someone you trust and love, speaks harsh words the pain can last a lifetime. Likewise, praise from an enemy is folly, but kind speech from a good friend will soothe your soul.
Though we haven’t always been close, nor have we always called ourselves friends, I would like to think that we would call ourselves brothers and sisters. There were times that we shed tears; moments of laughter; moments of confusion. You are my friend, you are my brother (or my sister). Let’s make things right. I appreciate you. You made me who I am today. You have pushed, prodded and challenged. Thank you.
Mom
I am sorry. I have taken advantage of your kindness, gentleness and meekness far too many times. I have not always respected you. I am sorry for not always working hard. From early on you educated me in the maths, reading and writing. Yet, when the time for formal education came, I threw it all away. Thank you for your dedication to seeing me do well. I only regret not paying you back in full. I am sorry.
You were always there. Always. Though not the loudest of us all, you always directed my life by the way that you lived yours. It is cliche to say that “I have the best mom”, but it is completely the truth. We shared some tough times, but because you disciplined me early and often, there were far more triumphs than failures. You gave up a tremendous amount so that your children would have great opportunities. For the past 20(?) or so years you have gotten up early, done a job that, quite frankly, gives no pleasure, and never complained once. Even when unappreciated, you give your all to everyone you meet. You had a great friend, Dana Lang, whom you and I know was a great woman, someone who lit up a room, proclaimed true love. Mom, you are that woman. Thank you. I am proud that my daughter is going to have you as her grandmother. Autumn is a very lucky girl.
Dad
As I have gotten older I have learned a thing or two (hopefully two). I now know the impact that words can have on the ones that we love. There is a saying “sticks and stones break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” That is complete B.S. I know that more than once I have hurt you deeply with the words that I have said. I have joked about your sermons, something that I know you dedicated years of your life to (obviously there was a lot more to being a pastor than just sermons, but even so, the sentiment remains). Your physical condition has been the brunt of my harsh tones. Why did I even think that I was doing any good?
But dad, you have been a great father. I don’t know how many times I have been able to brag about all of the things that you have taught me. It seems like every day I get to tell my friends and my coworkers just how great you are. I have never met a man that is as passionate and full of life as you are. When you find something that you love, you run with it. That quality is one that is found in very few people. You have always loved your family. You played, coached and watched all of your kids in all of their athletic endeavors. You allowed Josh and I to think, if only for a few, short, delusional moments, that we had what it took to be professional athletes. You made us all laugh. You made sure that our family was well taken care of. You and mom paid unfathomable sums to get Karissa and I through college. Now we are headed to Hawaii, and I cannot thank you enough for what you have done to ensure that everything is taken care of. Only you and I know, but I want you to know that I want to be like you when I grow up. Thank you.
Melissa (My Wife)
No man can give you what you deserve. Day after day I try, but I do not even come close. When the sun sets and I think about what I gave, my proud mind gloating at my accomplishments, I come to realize that it is just a drop in the bucket next to your sacrifice. And then I have the nerve to break you down, to jokingly insult you. Please forgive me. I have not always been honest with you, not always made you a priority. As I sinned against my mother, so it has been with you. Your kindness, compassion, and mercy have been trampled under foot. Melissa, you are my best friend, my love, and my wonderful wife. I am yours.
I am not sure where to start. Well, I love you, first and foremost. You have always been one of the hardest (and most dedicated) workers that I have met. If it wasn’t for you, I am not sure how I would have made it through college. Your motivation pushed us both to not only graduate, but to excel. You weren’t ever satisfied with mediocrity in education. Your effort is contagious. When it came time to have our daughter, you decided to do it “natural”. I have no idea what pain you felt (though I admit I did think that I had lost you a few times), but here is what I do know- you didn’t do it because you wanted to feel pain, but because it was for the betterment of our child. Melissa, you don’t just speak words of encouragement, you live them. Each day I have the privilege of coming home to a house that is well taken care of, a daughter that is nourished and growing strong, a delicious meal, and a patient wife. You don’t get enough credit for your role in providing for our little family. It really is you who allows us to enjoy all that we do. I am not even sure how I could thank you enough for all that you do.
Karissa
You and I haven’t always been best of friends, or even civil enemies. I have to say that I have caused a fair share of the strife between us. I haven’t given to our relationship in healthy ways. Too many times I have been willing to ignore you as though you weren’t my sister, my friend. I don’t know who you are, who you have become. People ask me about you, and I haven’t the words to give them. Karissa, we need to know each other again. And I need to take the lead. I am sorry.
Though we clearly haven’t spent the time together that we must, I know three extraordinary things about you- You have a passion for life that is distinct, and is the object of my envy, your soccer skills are something to be desired, and losing is not in your vocabulary. When school got tough, you got tougher. I am thankful that you have grown up to be a woman who is to be used of God. I know that there are a ton of changes coming soon, and I only hope that Melissa, Autumn, and I can be as much a part of them as possible. I love you.
Josh
Though I was supposed to be the one to protect and support you, I often feel that I was the first one to put you down. Maybe I was jealous. I certainly envy your athleticism and musicianship. But the fact remains the same- I feel like I have let you down and forced you to make some tough decisions that you should not have to have made. For not always being there for you, I apologize.
Dude, your athleticism is ridiculous. It seems like no matter how much effort I put in to a sport, you come along and show me how it is done. Kind of annoying, don’t you think? Oh, and why haven’t we boxed yet? Probably because you will work me, just like you do to everyone else. I think it is really awesome just how well you are able to pick up just about anything in life. You started learning about weapons, engines, and cars; all aspects of life that are so very important. You are going into the Army, and I couldn’t be more proud of you. You are a soldier. Though they would never say it, the Army is lucky to get a young man like you. Josh, you are one of my best friends.
Emily
How many times have I provoked you? Probably just over a million. Like I said about my relationship with Josh, I often feel that while I was supposed to be the one that was there for you, I was the one breaking you down. Though much of our relationship is based on laughter and joking, I realize that it is important for me to not break you, but to strengthen you. Won’t you forgive me?
With a bright smile, you go into any room and instantly give life. Your joy is infectious, your love harmonious. Although you are the youngest of the children, it is you who has the ability to pull us all together. You have a skill for planning that is rare. Use this to your advantage. Never stop having fun. Too many people want to sap the joy out of the world. Don’t let them. Show them that God has given, and let no man take away. Emily, no matter how much I kid, Autumn loves you. I am counting on you to show her the Joy of the Lord. Emily, you are a gift of God. Let it be so.
Grandma Claudia
I have to admit, it is a great deal of fun to sit down and debate current politics with you. But at the same time, I feel that I have often taken our debates much further than I should. We are told to honor our father and mother. How much more so should I have been honoring of my grandmother. I don’t want “silly” debates on relatively unimportant issues to stand in the way of our great relationship.
Thank you for all of your encouragement and wisdom over the years. It is so easy to get caught up in all of the craziness of life, but you have been that firm guiding force reminding me of a few simple (yet profound) truths- Love God, work hard, and be a blessing to others. This council has meant more to me than you will ever know. I also want to thank you (and especially papa) for providing an awesome time for Melissa and I on our honeymoon. You took care of all of the accommodations and made sure that we had a wonderful time. When I first started at the University, I was in need of a computer. You and papa graciously provided me with some money. That support is greatly appreciated. I want to let you know that, though I no longer own that computer, it has been a blessing to others as I was able to give it to another family. I can go on and on with all of the great wisdom that you have shared. Thank you for being a beacon of light into my life. Your guidance and your prayers have shaped me, and will continue to shape future generations.
Papa Barry
I am not sure why I still carry this with me, but it must be because I never apologized for it. I remember a time when Ryan and I were having a water fight at your home. The women were all in Monterrey (I believe) and we were there with you. Well, after our water fight we tried to come in the house. At that point you, and rightly so, informed us that while we were soaking wet we couldn’t come in the house. Not only that, but we needed to clean up the mess that we had made. For some crazy reason, that didn’t go over really well. Ryan and I then proceeded to bang on the door and act as immature children. Then somehow we came up with the “great” idea of attempting to put chalk in the gas tank of the Eagle. Just as we were about to do it, you walked into the garage. I am not sure if you saw what we were trying to do, but either way, know this- I am sorry. That was a very foolish thing for us to have done.
I remember one time you and I were at WinCo in Oakley, and we were trying to buy some nuts. You filled up several bags. We got to the register and the total was some astronomical number (well, I thought it was a lot to pay for nuts). WinCo only took debit cards, and at that point it was a problem as you didn’t know your PIN. So we then went to the back and put them all back. That was such a funny experience. Anyways, on our way out of the store, we were walking to the car and you walked right through the planter box (though there weren’t any plants in it at the time). I was shocked! My grandpa actually did something “wrong”! When we got home I told my mom that my grandpa actually is human after all! That long story to say this- I have never, ever met someone with as much integrity and purity as what you have displayed to me. You are the model of what Christ meant when he said, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness” and again when he said “Blessed are the pure in heart”. Thank you.
I also am thankful for how you shaped me during my developmental years. I remember spending a lot of time at the airport with you just watching the airplanes go by. I am still to this day intrigued by the majesty and grace by which a hunk of metal can be propelled through the air. I have had a great time with you. It was the little things that made a huge impact on me. You are a great grandfather.
Grandma Hansen
Much like my quarrels with my Grandma Claudia, my debates and conversations with you have also gotten out of hand. Though we do not always see eye to eye in everything, it is still my role to listen and glean wisdom from you. I also have to apologize for not making you as much of a priority as I should. I am ashamed that I have yet to take my daughter the short distance to see you. But I am excited that it will all change this coming weekend.
I am probably one of the least sentimental people out there (though this post doesn’t seem to support that theory). So what I have always appreciated about you is your remembering the things of old. I think that it is very important that wisdom and history is passed from generation to generation. Every time I visit you I can be sure to hear stories of my dad when he was young. I really do appreciate being able to just reminisce and be brought into the magical world of black and white photography. Thank you for documenting and remembering the history of our family.
Grandpa Hansen
I am sorry that I haven’t gotten to spend time with you like I used to. I am sorry that I haven’t been there to play cards with, go to museums with, and just enjoy life with. It is a shame that my daughter has yet to hear stories from one of the best story tellers that I know.
Thank you for taking so much time out of your life to share your passions with me. I remember being so excited to be able to go to the train museum with you. Even though there were other guides there, nobody had the understanding of trains that my grandpa had. While others were doing their jobs, you were living out your dreams. Even more than just spending time with me and instilling a joy within me, I have to thank you for passing down a love for life. I see that same passion in my dad, and that same passion has begun to be realized in my own life. Through all of the tribulations and struggles, you have worked hard and have bettered generations because of it. Thank you.
Friends and Family Innumerable
When I first sat down to write this, maybe even while it was still just a thought in my mind, I anticipated spending a couple hours remembering each person. But as I have been writing, I have been realizing even more and more that there are hundreds of people that have impacted my life, and to try to cram it all into one entry would be a crime against humanity. There are at least 30 more people that have touched my life in extraordinary ways. You have all been used in mighty ways to shake the nations, to shape the generations to come. The road has not always been smooth, but it has been well traveled. May we never forget, always forgive, and forever be thankful for the beauty of the moment that we call life.
